I watched an extended interview with David Crosby of Crosby
Stills and Nash fame. He, as am I, is an old man and seriously infirmed with
multiple health problems. He has a much more storied past with many items of
interest to someone who first saw him perform at CSN’s second professional
performance. His story, by virtue of depth and reach was quite different yet
somewhat akin to my own. Suffice it to say that I have been around a number of
corners and down even more streets than the average person. Perhaps it adds to
the flavor of my biography. Realistically it probably attests to the large
amount of fucking stupid shit I have done or participated in, and miraculously
survived. This serves as proof to me that there is a being greater than I who
watches out for this boob with a keyboard and a propensity towards verbosity.
As many who might be reading this I am enjoying the wonders
of Social Distancing and municipally mandated isolation. I am told that I am at
added risk for contraction of the latest “the sky is falling” syndrome\malady.
To me it would just be the soup du jour if I did get it, so I am not
worried…cautious, but not worried. Something is going to get me just the same
as everyone else. I believe that the reason I began typing today is that I need
a break from my telephone and television. Personally I have been stuck at home
for the last seven months recuperating from a mobility depriving situation. I’m
not crazy or suicidal and I am still not answering questions from the characters
of whatever program I am watching…yet.
What I have got going right now is an extensive inventory of
my life and the decisions I have either gleefully or sorrowfully come to since
June 21, 1953. I would like to claim that triumph outweighed regret, but that
would require that I speak in untruths. My Dear Sainted Mother would tell me
“to thine own self be true,” and did so until I wanted to throttle her. As an
adult I found the wisdom in these words and keep that as a creed in my life. It
really does not hurt to lie to someone near as much as it might destroy a
person when they lie to themselves. Other than my Darling Máthair, it was my
participation in a 12 Step program that taught me about the truth. The truth I
need to be telling myself, that is. So let me tell you some truths I have
discovered.
- There is
a personal truth that I have spent much of my life as either a knucklehead
or a boob.
- There is
the looking at the world truth and that is quite unadorned. The minute
someone figured out how to hunt, or gather more than what was necessary to
sustain him or herself; we, as a species, were screwed. It is just taking
a long time to happen.
- There is
a spiritual truth. Someone or something is responsible for mankind and the
firmament existing. Who that someone or something is none of our business.
However, whatsoever you wish to believe is your truth and it is not my
place to say a fucking thing about it.
- Finally
there is the undefinable truth. There are things in this world that happen
and we will never know why. No matter how much we try, life is an enigma
that we are too arrogant, stupid, and\or powerless to do ANYTHING about
it. PERIOD!
As a thinking man I have discovered that as much as I would
like to change things or control things, it is an impossible to do so. The
answer to this conundrum is to accept that it might not truly be a conundrum at
all. Perhaps it is just the way things are supposed to be and that most of the
truly damaging things on earth are the result of people who refuse to accept
the undefinable truth that is smacking us in the face every day.
If you don’t believe this, try going to the store and buy
some toilet paper.
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