The scent drifted past my nose and made me look up from my grocery list to see where it originated. I first glimpsed a flowing skirt and working my way up its length with my eyes to a white laced tank top/bustier and finally what had to be the head and face of an angel. Without realizing it the electric cart I was riding through the grocery store turned and followed the vision before me. Even now I have no conscious memory of directing the mechanical conveyance to take any path under my command. It just seemed to be directing itself as to the path of travel.
The divine vision before me was wearing the flowing skirt
that had a V shaped slit in the front revealing a pair of long deliciously well-shaped
muscular legs. Her arms swung freely as she walked. The upper left arm held a
heart shaped tattoo with an arrow through it and initials on either side of the
shaft. Her hands were delicate with manicured and artistically sculpted nails. She
turned her head and her face was exquisitely elegant with amazingly bright
hazel/blue eyes. For some reason she smiled, revealing the most perfect set of brilliant
white teeth. Long golden blond straight hair to the waist completed what had to
be a hallucination. Never in my entire senior citizen aged life, either live or in
picture, had I ever beheld anything more beautiful. My old heart began beating
faster and I forced the cart to cease following her. I had no wish to keep
following the wingless angel thinking it might test the effectiveness of my
heart medication if she happened to look or smile at me.
I continued on my appointed shopping duties only to find
that every aisle I turned down held the object of what was a growing obsession.
Each time I got close I turned my head and pulled something off the shelf to
demonstrate that I was, indeed, shopping. The pasta aisle turned into the
canned food aisle which forced me to buy tomato sauce for the pasta. Coffee and
creamer came next, followed by sweetener and various spices because it was on the
same aisle. Cold cuts and cheese slices inspired a trip for mustard, mayonnaise,
ranch dressing, and ketchup. (I got home later and discover that the last
four bottles were but duplicates of items I already possessed) It is impossible
to make a sandwich without bread which also meant bagels, English muffins, and
a couple of boxes of Ding Dongs. Then came the dairy aisle for cream cheese,
and Greek yogurt because, well why not? Dairy also meant French onion dip which
meant the chip aisle was next. Looking down at the pasta made me go shop for
gravy which sent me to the meat section for meatballs, Italian Sausage, chicken
legs and pork chops.
Each stop coinciding with yet another chance encounter with
the Gift from God in a peach print skirt and low cut top.
I found myself reading the ingredients on the back of a
package of Thai noodle mix and looking at a basket full of food I had never
intended to buy. I looked at the list I brought with me which read; freeze
pops, Kool Aid, blueberry muffins, and denture adhesive. None of those items
were in the basket. I consciously forced myself to get the first three items on
my list and make a strategic retreat to get the denture adhesive. The adhesive
was on the other side of the Walmart Superstore I was in. It was a good bet
that the angel would not be shopping there and I could be set free from my farcical
fixation. I rode the ¼ mile to the other side of the store and was making
my choice when I was once more hit in the nostrils with the ambrosia scent that
began the whole shopping predicament. I looked up and discovered the largest muscle bound man in a wife beater t-shirt, a piercing in his nose, and a short
cropped spiked haircut. He smiled at me revealing a gold tooth with a star in
the middle. There was a matching star tattooed under his right eye. He stepped
out of way revealing the vision standing
squarely in front of me and
said; “Get a good look you old baboon faced bastard!” She raised the front of her skirt high enough to
reveal that there were no undergarments beneath the skirt. She stalked off and
the large muscle that was with her smiled and gave me the universal one fingered salute.
Worst part of the day? I had to hire a kid to come unload
the 80 pounds of groceries I was too embarrassed to put back.
No comments:
Post a Comment